The SHALLOWeen Series: The Ring

This Halloween season, I'm presenting a new feature: The SHALLOWeen series! I'll share a  series of very shallow assessments of all the movies (and the one music video) that have ever scared me. Get ready... I'm a true 'fraidy cat. 

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I thought this movie was going to have hobbits in it.

Just kidding. I know this movie is actually about a supernatural VHS cassette that kills anyone who watches it. It takes a week to happen, and that’s enough time for plucky investigative journalist, Rachel (played by Naomi Watts) to find out what’s making the tape so deadly.

Rachel lives with her creepy little son, Aidan (who may possess some psychic abilities) in Seattle where it’s gray and raining most of the time, so it’s the perfect location for creepy events to occur.  Aidan’s cousin has just been found dead (because she watched the tape), so they’re dealing with that.  After hearing some of the cousin’s friends talk about the scary tape, Rachel does a little digging and locates it. 

She watches it.

And then she gets a call from a stranger who whispers in a child’s voice, “Seven days." 

I tried to think of all the things you would want to do if you knew you were toast at the end of the week, and all I could come up with was trying all 31 flavors at Baskin-Robbins. I don’t know if this can be done in that amount of time. The Baskin-Robbins places near me only seem to carry 15 flavors at a time. So I guess it’s curling up into a fetal position and crying hysterically Monday-Sunday for me!

That isn’t what Rachel does. She uses her journalism super powers and uncovers the secret behind the VHS tape, which involves a little girl, suicidal horses and a mysterious ring of light.  But it may not be enough to save herself (and her loved ones) from the unplanned demise promised by the voice on the other end of that call seven days ago.  Because they all watched the tape.

Here’s an idea. Just stop watching VHS tapes. Oh, we’ve already stopped doing that?  Great.  Problem solved.